we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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