the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
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