the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize