C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
