I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
