smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
