new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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