started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
