i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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