You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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