I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
