She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
