help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize