i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
