he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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