If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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