I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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