pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
