I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
