Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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