So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
