What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
