and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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