we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
