You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
