So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
