Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
They have beer where we have blood.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
