Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just googled if crying burns calories
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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