A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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