yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
