8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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