1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
