The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
