the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
