I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
