Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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