i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
