I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
