Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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