I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
