Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
