last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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