Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
