apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
