I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
