If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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