you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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