Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
