oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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