Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
