jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
it was like eating out sand paper
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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