You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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