Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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