eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
