i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
