Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
