R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
