she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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