No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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