I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize