Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
