I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How does one acquire holy water?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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