I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
