Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
