I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you win again, gameday.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Randomize
