college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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