Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
