I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
