So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
