we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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