Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You can't motorboat a personality
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need water and some morals
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize