So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
