i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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