We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
